My Grace and Peace

God I dont understand this, but on the other side its going to advance the grace and peace of Christ....

My Freedom

Im just going to write a journal entry in here. I doubt many people actually read this "blog" part without me uploading it to facebook. But if you do, let me know what your thoughts are on this. Its a bit discombobulated. But thats how my thoughts are most of the time(Im gonna try it all in caps. cuz thats how I write):

I DONT EVEN REMEMBER MY QUESTION ANYMORE. EVERY TIME I WATCH SOMETHING LIKE "INTO THE WILD" IT LEAVES THE SAME HAUNTING FEELING. THE UNQUENCED DESIRE FOR A PLACE WITHOUT BOUNDS. TO FIND MYSELF AND TO SEARCH OUTSIDE THE CONFINES OF SOCIETY. TO FIND LOVE IN A PLACE IT ISN'T LOOKED FOR. TO DISCOVER PURPOSE IN A LIFE WITHOUT OBLIGATIONS.

DOES THE WORLD NEED PEOPLE WHO ARE HAPPY, FREE, AND LOVING? OR IS THE WORLD MORE IN NEED OF PEOPLE WHO WILL FORSAKE SUCH THINGS IN ORDER TO FIND A WAY TO DO THEIR PART IN "FIXING" THE WORLD?

OR IS ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE FREE A WAY OF FIXING THE WORLD?

DOES COMPLETELY DISENGAGING SOCIETY HELP? IS LIVING TO FIND YOURSELF WHAT WE ARE CREATED TO DO? OR ARE WE CREATED TO FALL IN STEP WITH SOCIETY AND TRY TO CHANGE IT FROM THE INSIDE OUT?

IS LIVING FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS A WAY OF CHANGING IT FROM THE INSIDE OUT?

DO WE DENY THE WAY OF SOCIETY IN ITS TOTALITY TO LIVE A LIFE OF TRUE DISCOVERY AND FREEDOM? CAN ONE FIND SUCH THINGS WITHIN SOCIETY?

DO I FORSAKE MY DESIRE TO RUN FREE FOR A LIFE FULL OF OBLIGATIONS, DEADLINES, AND "ASSIGNMENTS" WHICH DON'T MATTER?

WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT: FREEDOM OR STABILITY? FREEDOM OR LIFE FULL OF DEMANDS?

AND WOULD TRUELY LIVING FOR YOURSELF REALLY BE LIVING FOR OTHERS AS WELL?

My Thoughts...

Relationships.

So Im addicted to Scrubs. You know, that fantasticly funny TV show. And for anyone thats watched four seasons in three weeks, or just a few shows here and there, you know that the majority of the episodes are about relationships.

That being true, and the fact that the former said person who has seen four seasons in three weeks is myself, I have a legitimate reason for thinking about relationships.

And Im not talking just about romantic stuff. But Im talking about everything from romantic, to going to the graveyard to talk to a parent who has passed away.

And there are times where I wish I could explain my thoughts through TV. Because it would be so much easier to capture thoughts. But maybe just a song. Yeah, that might work.

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
It's just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away

So relationships take getting into. They take time, committment and sacrifice. And especially opening up. Giving yourself to someone. But thats where I get caught up. And where I worry over the situations and the implications and the complications. And then I cant get to sleep.

Maybe you just have to jump into it all at once and not worry about what is going to happen. And maybe sometimes you have to take off all the restraints and let what happens happen.






this post would be so much easier if it was narrated and played out through a story.....dang.