I love to relax. I have this picture in my mind of being out in the Caribbean. It’s a beautiful day, the sun is out and there is that picturesque cloud cover; big puffy clouds providing the perfect amount of shade at crucial moments of the day. And I’m sailing with friends. On the back of the boat we have scuba equipment but for now we’re all content to sit in the sun, on the boat, in the turquoise water, surrounded by small green islands and enjoy each other’s company.
The flip side of that picture is that I struggle with laziness. Not all the time, but lots of the time. The temptation usually comes around after I accomplish something. Instead of enjoying the accomplishment and moving on I find myself “taking a break”. Usually it begins with the idea of a week off. That week turns into a couple weeks and before I realize it has been three months and I find myself staring at the TV wondering why I am so depressed.
I believe we are created to enjoy relaxation, but, as with everything else, relaxation can quickly be tainted with our love for excess and transform into laziness. I ran across a blog yesterday which reminded me that we are “hard-wired to create”. Laziness is a failure to engage that innate pull towards the creation of something unique. It leads us towards complacency.
Complacency is not rewarding. In fact, for me, it leads to disintegration of self-esteem. I see myself as worthless in the world. Someone who is reaping all the benefits of the position I have been born into but giving nothing back.
A spoiled brat.
Nine weeks ago I woke up and headed to a testing center on Burton Rd in Grand Rapids, MI. It was nice out, one of those cool, clear mornings where normally I would have wanted nothing more than to grab a cup of coffee and sit down to write or read. This morning wasn’t going to allow that. Instead I headed out and at 7:30 sat down to take the MCAT. For five hours I struggled, swore, and slaved over the test. Finally I was done. My decision to take one of my “breaks” was made before I entered the testing room. “Once this test is over” I thought “I’m going to let myself relax”.
Up until three weeks ago that’s exactly what I did. For six weeks I sat around and “relaxed”. What I discovered was that a) addiction to TV is a whole lot less exciting than it sounds and b) I was a lot happier studying up to 6 hours a day.
While studying I was able to create. I could make connections between subjects, come up with random ideas, and engage my mind in new ways every day. My time of relaxation dulled my brain and ruined my creative streak. It placed me in a 20 meter deep hole on the beach. I had a ladder, something to help me climb out, but instead of put forth the effort I sat down and turned my back. I was content to sit in the mud and make mud pies while the ocean was beckoning 20 feet above me. (Thank you CS Lewis)
Three weeks ago I went to a Young Life camp as a counselor. The time at camp was the “relaxation” I needed. It broke the spell of complacency I had put on myself and reinvigorated my desire to be influential. It gave me the energy to get up, turn around, and climb that ladder. What I found was that the ocean is a whole lot better than mud pies.
And ironically the trip was anything but relaxing. It was tiring, frustrating at times, but extremely rewarding at others. I spent a week with some pretty legit high schoolers and discovered that while I was relaxing, I was also rediscovering my love of relationships, of sailing, tubing, zip lining, and loving on people.
Since being back I have talked with numerous people about volunteering overseas, about writing books, and about doing something here in Grand Rapids that is of lasting impact. I’ve come up with insane ideas that excite me and push my mind into new areas. I’ve found my creative writing streak again and my passion for medicine and relief work has returned. As has my confidence.
So yes, I long to be on that boat in the Caribbean enjoying the weather, the diving, and the company of my friends. But I want that to be true relaxation, the rediscovery of things I am passionate about, not a continuation of laziness. I want to be there, smiling, looking up at the sky, under the realization that when I return I have things of meaning waiting for me. I have new, exotic, crazy ideas to pursue, people to love on, and lives to change…instead of a few TV shows to catch up on.
