My Statement.

In the second line of his song Here is our King, David Crowder writes “from wherever searching comes”. I recently began living with a group of guys. We’ve made it our purpose to live as an intentional community, meaning we want to be committed to being a part of each other’s lives and the life of our surrounding community. We want to intentionally pursue this idea of a Jesus lifestyle. The pursuit of this goal has led to multiple conversations about our lives. During my story, evolution naturally comes up. It was the catalyst of my anguish during college. I found myself believing evolution; a theory I had been told was a lie and it flipped my worldview on its head.

I met with a friend the other day. She is currently posing every possible question to God and flirting with: “if evolution can work sans God…then what reason do we have to believe in God?” We had a three hour conversation that Tuesday morning. It was refreshing, in that I recognized a part of me in her: the desire to constantly question. I saw in her the desire to search until satisfied; until the answer makes sense. But I also saw the confusion those questions bring forth. Why would God place things in creation to discredit his existence? Even more pointedly, why should I be able to recognize such things?

Those questions made that mid-morning conversation refreshing, yes, but also frustrating. It was frustrating because I still struggle when it comes to the answers. Even with some of the most basic questions like “how do we reconcile the necessity of death in regards to evolution with the idea that death is a punishment according to Christianity”, give me answers with which I struggle. Yet the more I discuss and learn about the mechanisms of this world the more I see beauty behind its structures. And as Miche continued to ask questions I started to see something. I began to realize that the more I see surrounding the certainty of evolution the more I begin to question the validity of what I have been taught about religion. The one truth I cannot get beyond is the sovereignty of God and his desire to be in a relationship with his creation. Not just with us. That and God rarely outright reveals himself. In fact, it seems as if he relishes placing his creation in a place of skeptical belief; giving us just enough to either see him in creation or discredit him through creation. Therefore, if logic holds (hopefully it does), then God must be hinted at in the laws behind the universe. Just as a crafter is hinted at when one looks at a table. But to prove or disprove him based on creation is impossible. He is not creation, just as a steel table is only remotely related to its organic creator.

The questions I still have, those which find religion contesting against science, are arbitrary. I don’t worship religion, and I won’t sell my life to theology. Science, although not 100% accurate all the time, still answers related questions in a more concrete way than an 8000 year old multicultural legend. My view is this: God created everything we can study, and in it he placed laws which, with or without direct measurable intervention from him, will continue to create. New bacteria, new plants, new animals, new planets and new solar systems, and even an ever expanding universe, are happening because God wants them to, yes, but these new creations happen through laws which, by themselves, create. This ambiguity, laws which create by themselves but possibly through the will of a creator, places us in a unique position. It allows us to point towards a creator, using concrete ideas found in science, but it also allows others to point towards a self-sustaining system; keeping the idea of God, yet again, open to interpretation. Something he seems to enjoy just a bit too much.

David Crowder continues the line of thought he began at the beginning of this essay with “…the look itself, a trace of what we’re looking for”. God wants us to search. He wants us to ask the hard questions; otherwise why would they be there (well, that is assuming God is real)? Those questions, so far, have not given me any reason to disavow my belief in God and I doubt they will. I believe God relishes the complexity, beauty, and at times inefficiency of what he created. He sees it as a wonderful expression of who he is. Maybe we should too?

Magical Music

I’ve been reading this series of books. Its about magic, kingdoms, strange creatures from other dimensions, swords, shields, and crazy rifts in time and space; really anything a 13 year old mind trapped in a 23 year old body absolutely loves. The interesting and thought provoking part about this series is the way magic is portrayed. According to the author magic is nothing but the manipulation of the energy surrounding us. He calls this energy “stuff”, which is a real articulate name for something even we have yet to define (we actually call it higgs boson, but it has yet to be experimentally proven).

A few weeks ago I was sitting at a concert and began to think about this series. Don’t ask me why a book series popped into my head while listening to folk music, maybe it was the beer, maybe the relaxation, who knows. Either way I began thinking about magic.

As the musicians played I began considering how each pluck of the string is a unique way to manipulate the sound reaching our ears. And sound is an energy wave; a manipulation of some medium which, when coming in contact with three bones in our inner ear vibrates the molecules making up those bones. That vibration in turn vibrates a thin membrane and the initial energy wave is finally translated into an electrical signal. That signal travels to the brain and we “hear” sound. So I imagined each musician engaging in the manipulation of the surrounding air and invisible shapes taking hold; the beautiful tapestry of shapes traveling to my ear and giving me the intense pleasure of hearing a passionate harmony of instruments. The idea here is interestingly similar to the idea behind the definition of magic in these books.

Before the invention of the radio, and subsequently the TV, computer, mp3 player, iPod, etc music had a mystical quality to it. The musician was someone whom others looked at in awe, and in ancient times many of the musicians were given the responsibility of remembering the history of a people. Music had the ability to manipulate not only the surrounding medium, but more importantly the emotions of the surrounding listeners: hence the mystical quality.

Music still has this emotionally manipulative ability, but as I see it we’ve become a culture so saturated in music that unless a song speaks strongly enough it isn’t heard. And without being heard it has no ability to manipulate.

So maybe magic isn’t the Merlinesk explosions of lightening decimating large armies attacking Camelot but rather the subtle strumming of a master guitar player. And maybe we’ve become so used to this that it no longer is considered magic, but something mundane. But it still carries with it the ability to manipulate our emotions in a singularly unique way.

We need but to let it do so.

Scuba, Young Life, Caribbean...and being Lazy?

I love to relax. I have this picture in my mind of being out in the Caribbean. It’s a beautiful day, the sun is out and there is that picturesque cloud cover; big puffy clouds providing the perfect amount of shade at crucial moments of the day. And I’m sailing with friends. On the back of the boat we have scuba equipment but for now we’re all content to sit in the sun, on the boat, in the turquoise water, surrounded by small green islands and enjoy each other’s company.

The flip side of that picture is that I struggle with laziness. Not all the time, but lots of the time. The temptation usually comes around after I accomplish something. Instead of enjoying the accomplishment and moving on I find myself “taking a break”. Usually it begins with the idea of a week off. That week turns into a couple weeks and before I realize it has been three months and I find myself staring at the TV wondering why I am so depressed.

I believe we are created to enjoy relaxation, but, as with everything else, relaxation can quickly be tainted with our love for excess and transform into laziness. I ran across a blog yesterday which reminded me that we are “hard-wired to create”. Laziness is a failure to engage that innate pull towards the creation of something unique. It leads us towards complacency.

Complacency is not rewarding. In fact, for me, it leads to disintegration of self-esteem. I see myself as worthless in the world. Someone who is reaping all the benefits of the position I have been born into but giving nothing back.

A spoiled brat.

Nine weeks ago I woke up and headed to a testing center on Burton Rd in Grand Rapids, MI. It was nice out, one of those cool, clear mornings where normally I would have wanted nothing more than to grab a cup of coffee and sit down to write or read. This morning wasn’t going to allow that. Instead I headed out and at 7:30 sat down to take the MCAT. For five hours I struggled, swore, and slaved over the test. Finally I was done. My decision to take one of my “breaks” was made before I entered the testing room. “Once this test is over” I thought “I’m going to let myself relax”.

Up until three weeks ago that’s exactly what I did. For six weeks I sat around and “relaxed”. What I discovered was that a) addiction to TV is a whole lot less exciting than it sounds and b) I was a lot happier studying up to 6 hours a day.

While studying I was able to create. I could make connections between subjects, come up with random ideas, and engage my mind in new ways every day. My time of relaxation dulled my brain and ruined my creative streak. It placed me in a 20 meter deep hole on the beach. I had a ladder, something to help me climb out, but instead of put forth the effort I sat down and turned my back. I was content to sit in the mud and make mud pies while the ocean was beckoning 20 feet above me. (Thank you CS Lewis)

Three weeks ago I went to a Young Life camp as a counselor. The time at camp was the “relaxation” I needed. It broke the spell of complacency I had put on myself and reinvigorated my desire to be influential. It gave me the energy to get up, turn around, and climb that ladder. What I found was that the ocean is a whole lot better than mud pies.

And ironically the trip was anything but relaxing. It was tiring, frustrating at times, but extremely rewarding at others. I spent a week with some pretty legit high schoolers and discovered that while I was relaxing, I was also rediscovering my love of relationships, of sailing, tubing, zip lining, and loving on people.

Since being back I have talked with numerous people about volunteering overseas, about writing books, and about doing something here in Grand Rapids that is of lasting impact. I’ve come up with insane ideas that excite me and push my mind into new areas. I’ve found my creative writing streak again and my passion for medicine and relief work has returned. As has my confidence.

So yes, I long to be on that boat in the Caribbean enjoying the weather, the diving, and the company of my friends. But I want that to be true relaxation, the rediscovery of things I am passionate about, not a continuation of laziness. I want to be there, smiling, looking up at the sky, under the realization that when I return I have things of meaning waiting for me. I have new, exotic, crazy ideas to pursue, people to love on, and lives to change…instead of a few TV shows to catch up on.

Lamentation

"...and he saw how a lamentation could become a hymn."~Lamentation by Ken Scholes

Kinda feels like thats what our call is doesn't it? Let's make this lamentation in which we find ourselves into a hymn.

My Essay

Just for the heck of it. Maybe I'll get some interesting responses.

Throughout history humanity has sought one thing: knowledge. The pursuit of these elusive ideas has spanned time between people as distant as Plato and Einstein. During this span two main camps have emerged surrounding the avenue for the pursuit of knowledge. One camp believes that, above all else, knowledge is worth obtaining. The second camp would beg to disagree.

During WWII many different types of people were taken to concentration camps. These camps were places where people were forced into manual labor, starved, and even experimented upon. Those experiments often took the lives of the unwilling prisoners, their bodies discarded in mass graves to make room for the next batch of participants. The second group of people, those who disagree with the idea that knowledge is worth obtaining no matter the cost, find the foundation for their belief in stories such as the above. Knowledge is not worth obtaining when it is the cause of someone’s unwanted death.

Ethics, then, is the determinant between when the pursuit of knowledge is good, and when it turns humanity into a self-destructive species. The questions one should ask, before starting on the path towards a new discovery, surround those who will be involved in the process. Can one predict a participant being hurt during the course of an experiment? Will the experiment end in death? Or even on a less intense level, will the experiment lead to foreseeable, but unwanted, struggles for any person part of the process? If the answer to any of those questions is yes then perhaps a different avenue to the discovery of this new idea is in order.

Knowledge is a worthy goal. But the path taken to obtain that goal must be without reproach. As history has shown there are examples of groups who, through the torture of others, have learned new things about our world. Yet those groups are looked at with distain by most of society. Those who look at the former with distain see the only knowledge worth pursuing as that obtained through ethical means.

I wrote that in 30 minutes off the prompt: The pursuit of knowledge is always justified.