Yeah...more on Spain.

So I say I love Spain. And I say I love spanish. That I love spanish culture.


And I do.


And there are great things about spanish culture. Like siesta....and tapas(minus the ham legs)
...and relational living (at least a little more so than the US), and chocolate, and churros, and...well i think you get the point.

Yet I was writting today. And I starting thinking about Spain again. And my desire to go back. And I asked myself "would it be the same?"....

And the answer is no.


When I think of Sevilla I think of friends. I think of David, Dave Ligtenberg, Steve, Margi, Catita, Jip, Brit, Monica, and everyone else from the program. If I were to go back none of them would be there. And with that being true, would I really enjoy myself as much?

And when I think "Spain" I remember experiences like Morroco, El Camino de Santiago, Portugal* and just living in Sevilla.

What I dont remember, or rather, what I might down-play, where the hardships and frustrations. The inability to speak. The feeling of not having a home....but those even had their place. They also made the experience, and my life there, what it was. Without those hardships I wouldnt have had the experience which I had.

So that being said, I think I associate Spain, and therefore my love for Spain, with the people and experiences I had there. Which isnt wrong. We all do it, with nearly every period of our life.

So the next big question is whether or not my love for Spanish and Spain and anything having to do with either...my passion for this thing called "spanish culture"...is actually a way of me living in the past. Of just remembering.

This got me thinking about "living in the past", which regardless of my love for and experiences/life in Spain means, I have been doing. And its not what we were created to do. The past is beautiful, and memories are some of the most amazing and "good" things we can ever have. They give us joy, peace, happiness, understanding, and so much more. But to live in those memories, to idolize those memories, is the same as idolizing anything else.

And I guess only time will tell. I still throughly enjoy speaking spanish, even if I dont throughly enjoy my class here. And Im excited to see what will happen if I continue with Spanish on the acedemic level. And what doors it will open up. Hopefully many.

But thats enough for now. Sorry if this post is confusing.

*That picture is from a place called Sagres in Portugal. That night was one of the best I had while in Spain. Sagres is one of the places considered "the end of the world" by the ancient Europeans. And when you stand on the beach there and look out over the ocean, listening ot the waves and staring, you can tell why they felt that way. I probably did that for a goo 45 minutes. Followed by some star gazing which lasted another 30 minutes. And amazing, spiritual (cuz everythings spiritual right?) place. Anyway, for anyone going to Spain soon, I highly recommend a trip to Lagos, and then Sagres. Both places are quite amazing. And try hitting Sagres at sunset. Nothing like being at the end of the world at sunset...

Back at it

So over the past two months Ive been trying to readjust to this "american" lifestyle.*

Right.

Actually I think Ive been avoiding reengaging in the "real" world. (Im enjoying my quotations today). You know, the whole going away for a semester. Living a life of no real obligations other than school. Hanging out with friends. Making new friends. Living in Spain. Traveling. Growing. Changing (and yes, in relation to an earlier post, I think I did change). Learning.

Making memories.

And now my task is to try and take everything Ive learned and use/incorporate it into my life in Grand Rapids, MI. Daunting. And not quite as easy as I assumed when I left Spain. Especially when you return to this:**

And so far all I have been able to accomplish is rediscovering how to study. Cuz, Lord knows, I did barely none of that in Spain. At least not the sit down and memorize/look over notes kind. The studying in Spain was more.....well it was more like living. So now that I have rediscovered how to study, evidenced by my four hours of said activity today in the anatomy lab, maybe Ill have some more time to figure out what it means to not enjoy the fast past of american lifestyle, and yet be part of this culture.

How to I incorporate "siesta" into this? Anyone have an answer to that?
Granted I have incorporated it. But Ive had time. Once I buscar a job thats going to become slightly more difficult. So what do I do? Live my life the way I think I should, with some time aside each day, to pray/nap/journal/do whatever it is you feel like doing that day, or do I give that up so I can make more money more quickly?

So, theres one of many questions I have now that I have time to sit down and look back over India, last spring semester and summer (with all that entails, including Washington), and Spain, Morroco, and Portugal. Ive grown, thats for sure. And Ive changed. And my desires have changed. My view on God has changed. My relationship with him has changed. I am honestly a new person....and all I have to show for it is a rediscovery of how to study.
!Que frustrando!

*Ok, so I didnt mean I havent had to switch back over to the "american" lifestyle. I have had to, and am still trying to. Its been waaaaay harder than I thought it would be. Leslie, the director in Spain, said that those looking forward to getting back to the US most will most likely end up missing Spain the most. Case in point: Me. I think when you "look forward" to getting back somehwere as much as I did, you begin to idolize it in a way. Makes getting back a bit dissapointing. Woops. Anyway, that to say I miss Spain and the lifestyle. Its true.

**Thats a month straight of no sun. 30 days. No, thats not a mistype. 30 freaking days of clouds, snow, and blizzards. And my car has no heat. Daaaammmmnnnn thats cold. Not to mention depressing.

La Luna

My parents left for Florida tonight. So now im back at their house. I havent been back here, to sleep, since I got back from Spain. But thats not what Im talking about.

There's a lunar eclipse tonight. I tried to take a picture of it. Didnt work out so well. But its pretty amazing to watch. Humbling actually. Humbling to know Im a part of that shadow that is on the moon right now. That creation is so much greater than what we see on earth. That there are places out there humans havent even laid eyes on. Places untouched by what we call "sin". I could sit here, watching this moon, for hours. I dont know why. Something about it is calming. And I could talk about the processes and what not that make this happen. But why? Why not just look up and say thank you.

Same with the mountains. Or the ocean.
Or a sunset. Or how bout both?

Gracias Dios por adorarnos.

oh and yes, i did take those pictures. Well, at least the terrestrial ones.

Im not to good at titles....

A few days ago I realized something. I was reading a conversation between my Dad and I on Skype and he wrote something to me. He said "I hope Morroco was a blast."

I've been to Morroco. I've lived in Spain. I traveled to India and I spent some time studying in Washington. Along those lines I've spent two weekends in Portugal, along the ocean, in a city named Lagos. All of this in the last year.

And now I'm back in Michigan. Suffice it to say I've lived through a good deal of change in the past year, and I've experienced quite a few different cultures. Each culture has its own way of doing things. Spain is slow, relaxed. The people there enjoy their time together, and they value it. In India the people shake their heads in the exact same manner, whether they are saying no, or yes. Portugal...well I didnt experience much of the actual culture there, but I had a blast with some friends on the roof of an apartment building. And Morroco. What a unique country, and that weekend was one of the biggest adventures of my life (inside of the biggest adventure, namely Spain).

So, with all these experiences, I've obviously changed. But how do I incorporate that change into my life? Is it possible to take ideas and ways of living from other cultures and incorporate them into the old lifestyle you once had? Is it even possilbe, after this type of experience, to have that old lifestyle? To go back to the place you left and make a difference?

Its been two months. Little more. And I have no idea as to what the answer to those questions are. I can say it feels as if I have been a miserable failure in trying to change an old lifestyle. So, I felt "change" in Spain. I thought I had changed. But, really, did I?


oh and ps....you should all read "The Shack". Lots of interesting ideas about God and our relationship to him. But its a story. and, at least for me, I work better with stories.